You’re my Lobster

“Why do you love me? I am so selfish, so irritating. What do I have that other girls don’t?” She said while wiping that tear which came rolling down her eye.

One : You never fail to make me smile. When I see you, I can already feel the heat rising to my full cheeks as my lips begin to widen into a grin. Simply hearing the first syllable of your name makes my body temperature increase and my heart begins to race. My smile is brighter than a million suns when I’m with you.
Two : You’ve seen me at my absolute worst, yet you always stayed. I’ve cried at you, and I’ve cried with you, but you never leave. I have came home screaming at you and destroying everything in my path, yet it’s as if you’re a prisoner in my little world that voluntarily decides to stay. It makes me realize that you really are a special person considering that you have never betrayed me even with my hideous faults.
Three : You care about me more than I care about myself. You always send me text messages that are reminding me to eat. When we see each other each morning you ask me if I had gotten enough sleep the night before. If I look at you and my eyes aren’t sparkling with the fireworks of life like they usually do, you won’t stop talking to me until you figure out a way to make me feel better. Sometimes when you know that there’s no real solution to fix the emotions that I’m having at the moment, you’ll just wrap me in your arms to the point where I can hear your heart pounding from your chest. There’s an abundance of traits about you that make you constantly on my mind. These were the first three, but trust me; there are plenty more.
She looked into my eyes and in a moment she hugged me nice and warm. I was about to leave she whispered in my ear, “Darling I’m so blessed to have you. You’re my lobster!”

~S

Love : A forbidden fruit ❤

“The last time we were here, you told me that you’d always love me. You would always love me, as long as this.” I placed my hand over my heart.

I worked up the nerve, taking a chance and sliding my hand into hers.

“My heart hasn’t changed. I’m still that girl you fell in love with. I just lost my way, and I’m going to fight like hell to find my way back.”

“You’ve been through so much…” she started, but I interrupted.

“Okay, so I’m not the same girl. Not even close. But my heart is the same heart.” I lifted her hand to my chest and held it there under mine.

“See, it still beats so fast whenever you touch me. It’s still yours. If… you still want it.” I tried to hold back the tears, but they fell anyway. I had never been so scared, waiting on her reply.

She wiped away a tear of her own.

“Of course, I still want it. I’m here, aren’t I?” Her lips trembled and I didn’t stop myself from reaching over and pulling her into my arms. I closed my eyes as I held her tight. Not missing the soft sobs that were coming from her mouth as she held me even tighter.

“I missed you so much”, she whispered.

“I know, and I’m sorry, baby.” I kissed her head then she pulled away to look at me. “I miss you too, so much.”

Her hand reached up and caressed my cheek. I closed my eyes at her warm and soothing touch. She always had a way of calming me with only a look, a few kind words, the softness of her fingertips.

“You haven’t lost me. I’m right here, where I’ve always been. I’ve been here waiting for you. I just didn’t think it would take this long. You’ve came a long way, and, I know you’ll find your way back.”

“Will you help me?” My voice cracked as the words quietly came out.

She looked straight into my eyes, a look so alluring, yet serious.

“I’ll always help you find you way back home.”

~  S

Journey of Love ❤

Slowly, piece by piece, I gave myself to you. Being a self centered, dressed with hope and happiness, you accepted me.

I felt safe around you. I would often used to say I feel like a superhero when you were around me. Remember? Holding your hand, resting my head on your shoulder, it gave me the comfort I always dreamt of.

What you and I shared, the walks, the never ending kisses, adorable things, and clichéd. Somewhere, they meant a world to both of us.

Have you ever heard me cry? How my voice breaks? Yet I make jokes and laugh as if nothing is wrong. Have you ever noticed? How I never meet your eyes. Because eyes never lie. How I keep smiling even when telling something that’s not even happy. When I say my face is always like this “smiling happily.” How I close my eyes for a bit too long.

I was lucky, you know? To have a lifetime, squeezed in those days I spent. I know you asked me, “You loved me more than I loved you.” And I so badly wish I had an answer to it. And I don’t trust love anymore. How can I? It is something that is there one second, alive and spreading happiness and the other, it just fades away. Absent. Gone. Taking away all those happy moments. Happiness.

We all have a certain story that we do not share out loud because we are afraid that nostalgia will come in series of waves and drown us. We all know a familiar voice that is slowly fleeting into oblivion but we always hear it when their favourite song plays on the radio.

Stretch the curve on your face to it’s end, life will automatically have fewer questions, the calmness in your heart will resonate throughout. This is the journey of love, my dear. If this is not enough then what is?

Happy Sunday!

~ S

Ten digit phone number

My ringtone dragged me out of sleep. Squinting, I try to see past the burning brightness of my phone.

As my tired brain tried to make out the ten digits, I was mentally cursing the person who’d call me this late at night.

“Hello,” I said, rubbing my eyes.

“Hey, did I wake you?” asked a husky voice. I immediately jolted up, not because of its sexy deep tone, but because  I knew it all too well.

It was the voice with whom I’d spent hours on the phone.

It was her voice.

“I know it’s late. But are you free?” she asked.

“Uh..uh.. yeah sure,” I stammered.

It had been weeks since we’d spoken.

Apparently, exes can’t be friends.

“I am aware it’s been long, but I need to talk to you,” she said.

Those words immediately brought a smile to my face.

Had she thinking about me?

The butterflies came back to life in my stomach.

“I know it’s selfish of me to talk to you about this, but I didn’t know who else to go.”

I was confused now.

What is she talking?

“There’s this boy.”

My heart sunk.

“He’s so different. Really different. He makes me want to be a better person. He’s so strong, I mean after everything he’s been through he’s still so happy. He inspires me.”

Her excited voice continued speaking, but I couldn’t hear anymore. It’s like my brain stopped trying to understand what she was saying.

My throat went dry, and my vision started to go blur.

“You there?” she asked, just now noticing that I hadn’t said anything in a while.

“Yeah,” I replied, struggling to hide my shaky voice. She continued, and it hurt knowing that she didn’t realize that I was crying.

I couldn’t help but wonder what I’d done wrong. Why couldn’t I be that boy for her?

My eyes were stinging now.

And suddenly it hit me.

Just because she was the love of my life, doesn’t mean I was hers.

With a heavy heart, but a smile on my face, I wish for a happy ending this time, even if the love story wasn’t mine.

It is said that between two people there is always someone who loves more and most of times it is the same person who notices the end before it comes. It feels suicidal to go beyond reason and still hope that it might get better, that the love may stay, that it has to be a way to fix everything. Yet the heart still breaks, the heart still beats, the heart still cracks but it still beats.

What an ironic way of loving in and out of mind, of love, of heart. How can we love more, give more, lose more and be our own hero when our heart doesn’t belong to us anymore? How can we be the one who see the end when forever is all we hope?

~S

Love

“Did you even notice these new earrings I got?”, she asked, infuriated.

“Your hair strands got them covered”, I replied, casually.

“You don’t notice anything!”, she exclaimed.

“Oh, then tell me who notices your periodic mood swings, your anxiety upon seeing a cockroach, your Monday blues, your confusion about what to wear, what to eat, your ‘I want a hug right now’ face. I make a mental note of every single thing”, I listed out.

I looked away angrily.

She came and sat next to me.

I didn’t care to look. I grabbed my phone and stood up to leave.

“That’s why I love you”, she mumbled.

“I didn’t hear that”, I responded.

“You sure did”, she smirked a smile.

“Now don’t make that ‘I want a hug right now’ face”, I laughed.

She hugged me tightly, and whispered into my ear, “Here’s a tip, women love when you pay close attention to little details.”

“Why do you love me?”, she asked as her lips brushed against mine.

“Who said anything about love?”, I teased and pushed her away.

“Oh, it’s like that now?”, she taunted while pulling me close, flashing that smile of her which made my heart melt every time.

“Maybe”, I giggled trying to get away.

Her arms tightened around me as our laughs filled our car.

Long drives were my favourite thing.

“Okay, you want to know?”, I asked.

She nodded as her eyes met mine.

“I love that you made me believe again. Believe in miracles again. Believe in love.

Why wouldn’t I fall, when you were there to catch me right?

You made me laugh when I thought I’d never smile again. You made me feel things I’ve never felt before, fixing my broken pieces with each kiss. With every glance, I stole, with every word said, I found myself more and more.

Who knew losing myself in someone else would be a good thing?

You made me feel everything and nothing at all. The cheesy lines in the books and happy endings in the movies?

Well, they were all starting to make sense. Suddenly, every love song wrote about us and happiness was synonymous with you. Every promise I made never to fall again, you broke with your mesmerizing eyes.

I love you because you made me fall in love with myself, and you made me fall in love with love, my love,

All over again.

~ S

Scatter Kindness ❤

You’re kind, but you’re tired. You’re tired of trusting too much only to get left behind the moment you start thinking they’re worth the risk. You’re tired of believing in someone staying, someone caring, only to get your heart broken.

You’re tired of all the times you waited for a sincere “how are you?” only to find yourself disappointed because they didn’t even say “hello”. You feel betrayed by all the people who remember you only when it’s convenient, only when they need something, only when they want you to fix them.

You’re so fed up with all the broken promises, with all the false assurances, and with all the times you kept your hopes up only to walk away from a situation hurt.

You hate yourself for always falling into their traps. For always believing that people do change as long as you have faith in them. Most of all, you hate yourself for choosing to be good and to do good even if most of the time, you’re giving so much of yourself to the wrong people.

You wish you could turn your back for a while, because to be honest, not everyone deserves your heart. You wish you were able to burn bridges and shit people out for a bit. You can, if you tried, but you won’t. You never will. Because frankly, you’re stubborn to believe that there aren’t good people out there.

Yes, you’re tired of people. But that doesn’t mean you would give up on them.

And that’s what makes you different. That’s why you keep going. You are pure love. And the world won’t always be kind to you, but you always be kind to the world. That is what makes you special. That is what makes you strong.

~S

Wear your Heart on your sleeve 

People who feel everything so deeply, can never turn off their hearts.

We want the world and everything in it. We want to hold it tightly, we want to keep it close by; we don’t want to lose it. We feel obligated to save people, to fix things, to make it better. We need to feel loved and give love as well. Our hearts beat for and because of, all of the people we have the potential to care for. We’re the eager ones.

And yes, we feel too much. I wish I had answers as to why we were choosen to be fragile ones, the easy to crumble ones, the heavy hearted ones. I wish I knew why we are the ones that carry all of our emotions in our back pockets. I wish I knew why all of the easy stuff is so hard for us. People won’t appreciate your efforts. But do good anyway.

One day, caring deeply for others will pay off. Because truthfully, we are rare and beautiful souls. We are needed to make this world a little less heavy. Please don’t stop hoping for better days; don’t stop to trying to get it right, to make things good. Soon enough you will run across someone who will see all these things in you and call them beautiful and mean it really! They will be glad to have met you. Those who lost us will regret one fine day. They lost the most loyal souls in these world. They will fill that empty place. They will call you home. You dear, have a heart of gold. Don’t let the world diminish it.

Happy Saturday!

~Siddhant