“I love you.” He said. “I love you that it was the hardest for me to let you walk away and still I wish we had more time. I don’t want to see your back against me and I can’t pretend it’s alright with me. Every night there is a nightmare. I love you, that even if it will take time for me to accept the truth, I will still do the thing that’ll make you happy. Just like what I’ve promised from the very start.”
He breathed so hard, sobbing and stared at her eyes. He looked at his world as he cried silently. He closed his eyes for a moment, all of their precious memories came crashing back. And like diamonds, he buried them deep down and hope that no one will see it except for him. As he opened his eyes, he said the last words he thought he will never say.
“We were always heading for combustion, weren’t we?” She said.
He smiled wryly.
“We just didn’t want to admit it” she sighed, and she resisted the temption to run her hand through his hair and smooth away the lines crowding his forehead.
“I can’t imagine my day without you” he whispered, mortified at the words coming out of his mouth.
“Nor can I, I swear” her hands edge towards his but she jerked back. “We will end up hating each other. Don’t you think?”
“And whoever will ask me”, “after all this time?” and I’ll nod, and say “yes, because it’s still you, it’s always been you. Every time I hear a negative thing about you I will always be the first to defend you. So how can I hate you?”
They sat in the silence for a while, feeling the future they had woven for themselves.
“Just tell me one thing.”
“Do you think……. in the future……. we might?”
She understood the question.
“God I hope so”, she said, looking at him for the first time. Her eyes roamed over his face, and in a fit of fantasy he saw tears in her eyes.
“I know you will miss me, and that you wish things would have gone differently, that we had more time. Because no amount of months filled with silence that are put in between us will ever change the fact that I still love you and always will. But everyday we are pushing heaps of cruel words and mislead assumptions and we are realizing that not even love could make enough noise to fill the silence that we created for ourselves. The mess we both created between us. I write out letters of regret I am always left with a blank ending, an empty pen, new reasons to why we should have waited. Maybe this will help you see that I’m still holding on to that bubble. Maybe you’ll write back. Maybe you’ll come back. I know we are a couple of teenagers who want to feel loved in this hate filled world, we need someone to lean on. Maybe this will help you see that even though it feels like I’m moving on, I’m somehow still right beside you.”