Time #2

The sun rose, you left me cold under these sheets, heaviness in my heart, a mess in my head. I tasted my fingers to see whether you had ever really been here at all, or if it was merely the whisper of you before I woke. The sweetness on my tongue, played back images of your eyes, the darkness in your stare. And now to lie here, bereft of your breath in my lungs and your taste on my lips, was a heavier burden than I could carry.

The timing is always going to be wrong and stars are never going to align but I would break every clock in this city and I’d shut every star down from shining if it meant that for one afternoon we could cast all that aside and give in. Give in to the complete impossibility that something could work here, despite everything that stands in the way. Give in to the way that your touch makes me shiver and your words make my mind race and reel. Give in to the improbability that this is going to work out or end well or fall into place exactly as we’d hope or that any of it will be even half worth it in the end.

And I fear another second, cold and alone, without your skin burning mine, I could wither away into this thick air, for nothing exists in this room when you’re not here.

I cannot promise it will be worth it. I have no guarantees, no crystal ball, no vision of the future where we’re happy and healthy and together for the rest of our days. I can offer you only this moment, where I’m standing in front of you knowing all of this may someday fall apart but that someday is not what I’m looking for anymore. I have right here and right now and all I can hope is that, that is enough. That we can figure out the future as it comes. I just want you to trust me. That’s what all I can ask for now. 

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