I need you to know that although I sometimes say so little, it’s not because I have nothing to say, it’s because I have so much to say. So many things that you couldn’t possibly imagine, so many things that I keep locked inside an effort to protect this overwhelming loving and passionate heart. I keep it locked inside for fear of becoming fool again who believed love is always enough.
Being secretly in love with you after all this is like being a part of the solar system, because you’re the sun and technically I could literally be any planet since they all revolve around you anyway, but for now I’ll just say I’m probably like Pluto or something, because you always seem so far away and on those odd days when you seem closer, I start to get into my own space and it’s like I don’t even exist anymore.
I just never could grip why it seems like I’m always spinning in circles and you, shifting and tilting and rotating all out of orbit trying to connect the stars and either seal our fate or find the fault.
Someone asked me, “Do you still think about her?”
“Yeah.” I whispered. “All the time. But it’s worse in between moments where I have nothing to do, and I’ll remember all I did these past years was give her more than the extra time I had, you know. Times gives us so much value on a person even when it’s wasted.
“Does it still hurt?” She asked quietly.
I closed my eyes briefly; she waited patiently before I could master a lie. But these days it has just been so tiring to trick the people around me. And myself. So I told the truth. I nodded. “It always will.”