I’m an introvert, anxious, overly sensitive soul, I just give a damn. I’ll feel those harmless jokes in the pit of my stomach. I will cry until I can’t breathe whenever we fight because I cannot handle the way you look at me when you’re mad. I’ll see problems where they don’t exist; I’ll deeply feel the miles between us when you turn over to sleep at night.
See I am made up of fire – I am wild and little out of control and sometimes I burn so fiercely, it pushes people away. But only because I had so much of life’s disappointments inside me, only because I care too much, I feel too much and I want that to be my strength, not my weakness.
I care if we fight and I hurt you – I’ll try to fix it. I will try to be better, I’ll go over and over until I am able. I am only human – who has loved fiercely, chased my dreams recklessly and failed more than I care to admit. So I get back. Maybe I shed too many tears over life’s disappointments and pain. I do not wish to build a wall around my heart, to stop feeling everything so intensely because that is the only way that makes sense to me. To dive right in, to be vulnerable and raw and honest, even if it’s scary as hell, even if I regret it.
So do not call me “too much sensitive” when I cry during an argument. Do not mock me for wearing my heart on my sleeve. Because this fool heart of mine just give a damn.
I’m worried that I’m never going to be happy. My happiness never sticks. I feel it for a few minutes, maybe even hours, and then it slides off of me. Disappears. The memories I have are nice, they get me through the lonely nights, but memories are never enough. I don’t want to remember a time when I was happy. I don’t want to long for the past or imagine a better future. I want to be happy now.
And how many untimed coincidences will it take for you to realize that you aren’t a stranger to my soul after all?