Love

“Did you even notice these new earrings I got?”, she asked, infuriated.

“Your hair strands got them covered”, I replied, casually.

“You don’t notice anything!”, she exclaimed.

“Oh, then tell me who notices your periodic mood swings, your anxiety upon seeing a cockroach, your Monday blues, your confusion about what to wear, what to eat, your ‘I want a hug right now’ face. I make a mental note of every single thing”, I listed out.

I looked away angrily.

She came and sat next to me.

I didn’t care to look. I grabbed my phone and stood up to leave.

“That’s why I love you”, she mumbled.

“I didn’t hear that”, I responded.

“You sure did”, she smirked a smile.

“Now don’t make that ‘I want a hug right now’ face”, I laughed.

She hugged me tightly, and whispered into my ear, “Here’s a tip, women love when you pay close attention to little details.”

“Why do you love me?”, she asked as her lips brushed against mine.

“Who said anything about love?”, I teased and pushed her away.

“Oh, it’s like that now?”, she taunted while pulling me close, flashing that smile of her which made my heart melt every time.

“Maybe”, I giggled trying to get away.

Her arms tightened around me as our laughs filled our car.

Long drives were my favourite thing.

“Okay, you want to know?”, I asked.

She nodded as her eyes met mine.

“I love that you made me believe again. Believe in miracles again. Believe in love.

Why wouldn’t I fall, when you were there to catch me right?

You made me laugh when I thought I’d never smile again. You made me feel things I’ve never felt before, fixing my broken pieces with each kiss. With every glance, I stole, with every word said, I found myself more and more.

Who knew losing myself in someone else would be a good thing?

You made me feel everything and nothing at all. The cheesy lines in the books and happy endings in the movies?

Well, they were all starting to make sense. Suddenly, every love song wrote about us and happiness was synonymous with you. Every promise I made never to fall again, you broke with your mesmerizing eyes.

I love you because you made me fall in love with myself, and you made me fall in love with love, my love,

All over again.

~ S

Scatter Kindness ❤

You’re kind, but you’re tired. You’re tired of trusting too much only to get left behind the moment you start thinking they’re worth the risk. You’re tired of believing in someone staying, someone caring, only to get your heart broken.

You’re tired of all the times you waited for a sincere “how are you?” only to find yourself disappointed because they didn’t even say “hello”. You feel betrayed by all the people who remember you only when it’s convenient, only when they need something, only when they want you to fix them.

You’re so fed up with all the broken promises, with all the false assurances, and with all the times you kept your hopes up only to walk away from a situation hurt.

You hate yourself for always falling into their traps. For always believing that people do change as long as you have faith in them. Most of all, you hate yourself for choosing to be good and to do good even if most of the time, you’re giving so much of yourself to the wrong people.

You wish you could turn your back for a while, because to be honest, not everyone deserves your heart. You wish you were able to burn bridges and shit people out for a bit. You can, if you tried, but you won’t. You never will. Because frankly, you’re stubborn to believe that there aren’t good people out there.

Yes, you’re tired of people. But that doesn’t mean you would give up on them.

And that’s what makes you different. That’s why you keep going. You are pure love. And the world won’t always be kind to you, but you always be kind to the world. That is what makes you special. That is what makes you strong.

~S

Wear your Heart on your sleeve 

People who feel everything so deeply, can never turn off their hearts.

We want the world and everything in it. We want to hold it tightly, we want to keep it close by; we don’t want to lose it. We feel obligated to save people, to fix things, to make it better. We need to feel loved and give love as well. Our hearts beat for and because of, all of the people we have the potential to care for. We’re the eager ones.

And yes, we feel too much. I wish I had answers as to why we were choosen to be fragile ones, the easy to crumble ones, the heavy hearted ones. I wish I knew why we are the ones that carry all of our emotions in our back pockets. I wish I knew why all of the easy stuff is so hard for us. People won’t appreciate your efforts. But do good anyway.

One day, caring deeply for others will pay off. Because truthfully, we are rare and beautiful souls. We are needed to make this world a little less heavy. Please don’t stop hoping for better days; don’t stop to trying to get it right, to make things good. Soon enough you will run across someone who will see all these things in you and call them beautiful and mean it really! They will be glad to have met you. Those who lost us will regret one fine day. They lost the most loyal souls in these world. They will fill that empty place. They will call you home. You dear, have a heart of gold. Don’t let the world diminish it.

Happy Saturday!

~Siddhant

A Deep Loving Soul

Let me tell you about people who love deeply.

They are wells of feeling; they do not know how to turn their hearts off, do not know how to stop giving, and though this is the most beautiful aspect of who they are, they will never hurt you intentionally, it is also the most fatal, for people who love deeply also hurt deeply.

When it comes to people who love deeply, the ones they choose can’t quite understand just how someone can pour themselves out for another person and ask for nothing in return. However, they continue to take. They allow for the warmth of this human being to make them feel new again, and when they are done with the keeping of a rare and beautiful thing, only then, they discard it.

But people who love deeply have a hard time being set free. People who love deeply have a hard time leaving because they can never quite convince themselves that they can help. They will never stop trying to love someone into their potential.

And this is why people who love deeply hurt the most. The thought of someone leaving when they still had so much left to give haunts them. People who love deeply never forget – they are tattooed with the goodbyes of everyone they never got the chance to shine for. Even if the love was wrong, to them, no amount of loving is a waste, no amount of taking is too much. They live to give.

So that is when you come in. Let me tell you about people who love deeply – they are human beings that don’t quite make sense to most. They are the few genuine souls who give selflessly, but that does not mean you get to take advantage of that. No, if you do not respect that, if you do not know when to stop taking, and when to start loving them despite their inability to ask for that love, do not touch them. Do not taste them. Do not drink from the well of their hope. Do not be selfish with their heart. Do not ruin like the others. Because when somebody leaves whom you love the most, your whole routine changes, your whole life changes and it hurts!

Cancer

I’m a cancer. I don’t mean the sickness, I mean the astrological sign. I’m a cancer. I’m emotional, intuitive, sensitive. In other words, I care about things. A lot.

The funny thing is that the word “Sensitive” is listed under both cancer’s good and bad traits. I am loving and emotional, shrewd and cautious, sensitive and nuturing. But on the flip side, I’m moody, over emotional and sensitive.

I’m begining to learn that life is nothing more than a series of paradoxical truths. It is walking contradiction. Sensitivity isn’t different thing. Under certain light and through the right pair of spectacles, it can took like something to aspire to but I came across many people who failed to understand me and my sensitivity. Sometimes I feel ashamed of that.

Say what you want to want about sensitivity, but I firmly believe that it breeds empathy. Because when you feel things deeply, when you let them shake you to your core, and relate to them in another people.

I feel for those whose writings gets rejected or is left unread by the specific person they want it to read. For the teenager wearing too much eyeliner and listening to gnash – I hate you, I love you. I feel for them because I’ve been there. I’ve done that. I’ve felt the particular strand of shame. I’ve choked on that unique flavour of pain. And because I’m sensitive, I lingered there.

And even though there are things I’ll never understand, experiences I can’t even begin to imagine, my sensitivity introduced me to pain. And at some level, all pain is universal. Sensitivity opened the gates to understanding, empathy and kindness. It’s not everything, but it is something. It’s not the answer, but it’s a step in the right direction. And that’s a damn good place to start.

We’re living in a culture that only devalues sensitivity it actively attacks it. I’m going to give them all away and then probably cry and have a panic attack when something doesn’t work out because I’m sensitive and emotional.

But that’s okay. Because caring about things is cool. Putting yourself out there is brave. And if you’re the kind of person that does that that shows up every single day, you’ve probably going to be a little sensitive. Because you’ve put in the world. You’re vulnerable, so naturally you’re going to be sensitive.

Be sensitive. Feel things. Cry in the bath tub. And always remember – Be kind. Be empathetic. Fight back with everything you’ve got. Go to sleep. Do it again.

~ Siddhant

Memories… Do not Open

I don’t know how to remember you. I don’t know whether or not to let the sweet memories we made, fading in the crystal clear water and falling asleep next to you, dominate my understanding of you, or if I should focus on you leaving me with such harsh words?

I don’t know if you ever really loved me. I don’t know if you have found someone else. I don’t know if you have ever woken up next to someone and called them the wrong name, your name. Because I have. I don’t know if you have ever seem something funny and instinctively wanted to tell you about it and then remembering you aren’t interested in hearing from me.

I don’t know if you had nights where you dream us back together and wake up wishing you could sleep forever. I don’t know if you have thought of me since we last talked.

Sometimes it’s still so, so hard to believe that we became these people that are worlds away from each other now. Hard to believe that you were everything, you know? You had me at night and in the morning and every hour in between. It’s hard to love someone after they’ve shown you parts of themselves they don’t really fit with the rest of the picture that you’ve made for yourself, you know?

Like god, you really hurt me so bad but you’ve also made me so happy and how can you be the both of those people at once? Where does it all fit? You made me question so much. The point is, really you can blame me for distance and the timing all you want, but you’re still the one who turned me into a weak stranger.

I know soon you’ll forget the sound of my voice and what colour my eyes were. You’ll forget how much I loved your black sweater. Soon you’ll see me as a stranger; walking down by without recognising me you won’t even know me while I’ll be getting drunk trying to forget your name.

~ths

Untitled

I’m an introvert, anxious, overly sensitive soul, I just give a damn. I’ll feel those harmless jokes in the pit of my stomach. I will cry until I can’t breathe whenever we fight because I cannot handle the way you look at me when you’re mad. I’ll see problems where they don’t exist; I’ll deeply feel the miles between us when you turn over to sleep at night.

See I am made up of fire – I am wild and little out of control and sometimes I burn so fiercely, it pushes people away. But only because I had so much of life’s disappointments inside me, only because I care too much, I feel too much and I want that to be my strength, not my weakness.

I care if we fight and I hurt you – I’ll try to fix it. I will try to be better, I’ll go over and over until I am able. I am only human – who has loved fiercely, chased my dreams recklessly and failed more than I care to admit. So I get back. Maybe I shed too many tears over life’s disappointments and pain. I do not wish to build a wall around my heart, to stop feeling everything so intensely because that is the only way that makes sense to me. To dive right in, to be vulnerable and raw and honest, even if it’s scary as hell, even if I regret it.

So do not call me “too much sensitive” when I cry during an argument. Do not mock me for wearing my heart on my sleeve. Because this fool heart of mine just give a damn.

I’m worried that I’m never going to be happy. My happiness never sticks. I feel it for a few minutes, maybe even hours, and then it slides off of me. Disappears. The memories I have are nice, they get me through the lonely nights, but memories are never enough. I don’t want to remember a time when I was happy. I don’t want to long for the past or imagine a better future. I want to be happy now.

And how many untimed coincidences will it take for you to realize that you aren’t a stranger to my soul after all?